The question I have gotten a ton since starting this boudoir adventure is "why". So I have decided to write the long(ish) version of why. Why I decided to make the leap and join in on this whole boudoir craze. So to start off I think it is important for you to know me and I mean really know me, the good the bad and the ugly. If you know me at all you know Im not a feelings talker, Im not one to talk about myself, like truly talk about the deep feelings. Even those that know me the best will likely learn some things while reading this.
So here goes...
I'm Emily mother of two and professional photographer (3 years into this business and I have major imposter syndrome so writing down I am a professional is a big deal for me). I am currently writing this with my three year old on my lap telling me how to play paw patrol because apparently I don't do it properly. Oh and she was playing nicely by herself until I pulled out my computer, any other parents have that issue? As soon as you want to get something done for you the kids suddenly need you? I mean I was able to clean the kitchen alone so that was nice I guess *insert eye roll emoji (that one is still cool right?)
Anyways back to me. Growing up I was what one would call a "natural beauty", such a stupid term right? I think I maybe hit 100lbs by the time i was 20, I was stick thin, blue eyes, blonde hair (most of the time), I rarely wore much make up or cared much about my appearance cause I just didn't have to. I fed my body shit food (pretty sure I lived off of salt n vinegar chips and Mc D's), the only "exercise" I got was in my job as a server, which is a lot of steps, but definitely not taking care of myself. Very early on I tied weight to being beautiful, I was constantly told I was pretty. The main compliments I can remember getting in my adolescence were always tied to my looks. And at the time I loved it, as a teen/young adult what more does a girl want than to be considered beautiful? But man did it ever set me up for failure. Can we just stop referring to young girls as pretty and start giving compliments based on what truly matters?
At 22 I got pregnant with my son. I was young, didn't have a career and had only been with the father (my now husband) maybe a year. But thats a whole other story lol. When pregnant I obviously started putting on weight. I gained 50 lbs with that pregnancy and it never "fell off" afterwards like I was hoping it would. I hated my appearance, I no longer had my "beauty", but whatever... I jumped in to being a mom and put my whole heart into that. My compliments were no longer about how pretty I was but about how I was such a good mom. And I was, I rocked the mom thing, we did fun things all the time and I loved every minute of being able to stay home with my son. After having my daughter things changed. I no longer loved being a stay at home mom, I was tired, and lazy, mad that she didn't sleep, or give me those baby smiles that at least made the sleepless nights worth it. She had (still does have) a strong personality and it was the complete opposite experience that I had the first time around. There I was, no longer beautiful and a shitty mom. The two things that defined my entire life were gone (or so I thought).
Who was I? I spent the next 3 years trying to figure that out. All while struggling to just get through day to day life. And it wasn't until I started putting myself first that I was finally able to figure it out. It started with photography, jumping in feet first and really, I mean really sucking at it (thanks to everyone that supported me back then). Thankfully, I got better, I put in the time and the effort, my business grew and I finally have a job that I love, with ambitions to continue to grow until this business is my full time career, just in time to have both kids in school full days. Next up was loving being a mom again. And for me that meant getting a break from my kids sometimes. Putting my daughter in daycare a couple days a week was a life saver! I was able to have some of that much needed alone time, yes it was spent working but for me it was exactly what I needed at the time. Now I am realizing that I deserve more "me" time than just work time. I read a book, go for coffee (or pick up coffee and drive around, yay Covid), get a work out in, watch a show that I want to watch, have a nap, whatever it is I need, I do it. Thats it, no secret, I just make putting myself first a priority and man oh man has it ever been life changing. I am finally able to see myself in a different light, I am a bad ass business owner, I am kick ass mom, and best of all I am finally able to see that I am beautiful!!! No I'm not a size 2 with perfect hair and make up, but I love myself, I love who I am and what I have done with my life.
Now to the point of my story. I don't want to just stop there. I don't want to just love myself and that be it. I want to help other women realize that they are beautiful too! And what better way to do that than doing it with something that I love, photography. A woman's body is such a beautiful, artistic thing. The curves, the stretch marks, the scars, the cellulite, all of it. Every single thing. The art behind boudoir photography has taken hold of me, I love looking at the images and learning how other photographers use light and posing and angles to create these magical works of art. I have loved taking those teachings into my own work and creating my own unique images featuring stunningly beautiful women of every shape and size.
It wasn't long ago that I was scrolling through tik tok and came across a video of a woman looking at her boudoir album for the first time. She was crying and couldn't stop saying how beautiful she was, just in awe looking at all of her images. I want to be that person that shows you your beauty. I want to be that photographer who has women crying happy tears in her studio while looking at the images I took. I want to be that stepping stone for you!!
So if you are reading this and ready to make that step in loving yourself, send me a message, let's set up a time to talk and get you booked in for your very own self love session. Or maybe you aren't quite there yet, that's ok! I strongly encourage you to subscribe to this blog for more posts filled with run on sentences, and all things self love. Also go check out the killer community of women lifting each other up and finding ways to love themselves over in my private ladies only facebook group.
Thanks for sticking around and listening to my story,